He sees his neck pulse in the mirror in front of him and tries to synchronize it to the delicate ticking sound of his wrist watch by taking slower and deeper breaths. It doesn’t work. Then he tries emptying his mind by focussing on the precision of its Swiss mechanics. On the tiny quartz crystal oscillating inside. But no matter how hard he tries today, every thought inevitably winds back to her. He had never wanted a watch but she seemed so excited when she gave him the little leather box, he didn’t have the heart to tell her. Even later when she asked if he liked it, all he could answer was;
‘Of course I do’.
Now the watch symbolizes everything that is wrong between them. It feels like wearing an alarm clock. One that is constantly ringing, making sure he doesn’t fall asleep again. There seems to always be something he needs to do, somewhere he needs to be. Ever since she gave him that watch he feels he is late for something and it is always her voice reminding him of what it is.
‘Do you love me?’
She stops with whatever she’s doing and briefly looks at him through the mirror from across the bedroom. For a moment even the crystal stops oscillating as her voice - like a metronome - answers;
‘Of course I do’.
He turns around to see the expression on her face but she’s already back to what she was doing before.
‘Why?’
She stops and stares at some point far beyond the walls of their bedroom.
‘Because I choose to, Michael’.
‘Because you choose to? You don’t choose to love someone, it happens to you. It’s not a business deal. I want you to love me irrationally, because there’s no way for you to not love me.’
‘Oh Michael, everything begins with a choice. You need to read the book in order to know whether or not you love the story. I read the back of your book and then chose to read all of you and I am still reading, Michael. I believe in your story. In our story, I really do, but that book won’t write itself. It takes time and commitment. It needs us to choose. Love doesn’t miraculously happen by itself, love gets written. It gets written while being read. So please Michael, keep reading me. Keep writing us’.